i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
