wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
