he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
