i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize