Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
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I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
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We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.