Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Sorry about my life...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.