wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!