I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
