my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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