nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
3 2 1 whiskey
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
