Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
