the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
