I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
