he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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