Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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