I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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