haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
