i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
