We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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