I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
