gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
