ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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