Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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