it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The beer is more important than you right now.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
