im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
