Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
