He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
