Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
