If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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