i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
