I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I party with great urgency now.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
