i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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