So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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