I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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