Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
