Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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