when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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