So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
