Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Randomize
