last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You took a bar mat shot.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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