I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
