Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
