In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
This baby is an asshole
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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