There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
