Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
