Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
