once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
