Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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