you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
