Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
