I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i dont even know how to be here
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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