Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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