Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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