Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
