Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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