We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
