Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
