Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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