Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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