Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I will pee on everything he values.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.