you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...