Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.