I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage