the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
