he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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