plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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