so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
