This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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