ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Pappa wants mamma naked
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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