I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
