2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
