Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
