so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
