What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
