I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
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