it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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