so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
