How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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