I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
