Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
